The Collection

Undoubtedly unawares to the keen intellect of neurons passing through our systems. They are the armies of overlords and potential keeper of what we thought to keep secret. How is it that this collection of atoms can become a me, henceforth the things this collector grasps or buys or begins to associate with as identity become also part of the me. And this me is built from all of that which is surrounding the collection, until it collapses. And changes. And renews. And the collection is somewhat the same, but in this way a bit different. Pursuing interests that have systemically shifted just a tad and that creates a domino effect of shift that cascades through the collection. In this way the me is the collector. Of atomic surges and responses abiding by the laws of nature.

sun on the horizon

forgive my absence, please. i've merely been obsessing over my children. child + ren = multiple kids. yes. that's us; now three. we're a wee clan at this point. (interjection: ben is working a lot, which keeps him at home. were he with us, our clan would be four. for now, 'tis we three.) we've stumbled into a routine when it comes to most daily activities. loading up into the car has it's traditions: mama carries baby, alasdair enters driver's seat with keys, door closes, alasdair inputs key into ignition while mama situates desmond, alasdair successfully inputs key and proceeds to climb into his carseat meanwhile minding not to hit sister's head on the way back, mama walks around car to alasdair's door to properly 'install' the child. both children in, mama situates herself and we're on the road. i've also figured out that leaving a door ajar, usually the front passenger door, can avoid potential panic when alasdair locks himself and sister in the car. yes, this happened. fortunately we have a hide-a-key. that's just loading up.

we have established routines for packing snacks + lunch + necessary items prior to loading up, dressing them both (and myself), unloading, shopping, eating. i like our routines. we're all aware of which "stage" we're at, how "far" we have to go. and now i know that empowering alasdair by allowing/encouraging him to get us started by putting the key in the ignition, which i do realize may not be the safest thing, makes him feel a part of it all, somehow enabling us to do anything. if that makes any sense. he digs it, and promptly gets in back without complaint. and i dig that.

alasdair will be two soon. too soon, quite possibly. and desmond, to be 7 weeks in a matter of days. the craziest part is that i look at her and think she can already eat "human" food. what?@! not for another 5+ months, i know, but after having a toddler around it feels like a babe grows so quickly.

news? of news. alasdair fell on monday. nasty zoo fall on the hard concrete. yep. i think i felt a higher degree of panic upon seeing his cut + cries than i did when i realized i was about to give birth in the truck. true story. i was terrified. all was fine and grand when alasdair ran up hill to touch a tree, and on the way back: BAM. more like 'thud,' i guess. forehead to concrete = bloody business and a crying boy. fortunately, crying, as opposed to passed out. the cut:


it was sad, sad. to say the least. and i managed, with two. yesSss... made it through the first of many...

aside from the 15+ days of continuous rain, life is good. grand. be it: wonderful. so long as the rain ceases and sun does shine as it so threatens, i believe we're in for a fantastic summer.

desmond

the story

I wish I were a writer. Fact is, I'm not. And, regretfully, I fear that I'm not going to do Desmond's birth story justice... please keep that in mind as you read on. It was truly amazing + spectacular + awesome + wonderful. It was perfect, as she is.

Desmond's "due" date was somewhere around the 23rd of April. She arrived on the 1st of May, just as my mother, whom we call "HoneY", suspected she would. Much faster than I anticipated, too. At 9:45 the surges began. Ten minutes apart and super mild. I bathed + continued to finish a movie with Alasdair and Ben. I was even able to sleep through the 'breaks' and breath through the surges until nausea set in around 11:45. Around that time I did a lot of pacing, and attempted to sleep for short periods during breaks, which were now about 8 minutes apart. Sometime around 1:45 everything shifted gears. Surges became 2-3 minutes apart, and they came on strong. I told Ben to pack it up and call Vanessa to stay with Alasdair. Vanessa lives about 20 minutes away, via snowmobile. Fortunately we had great weather, so we didn't have that to worry about. Snow was in flurries outside. Just right. When Vanessa arrived, Ben gathered some last minute 'stuff' recommended by the doula: two towels, which were key.

The snowmobile ride to the car, which is only a little over a mile, was actually quite heavenly. The continuous bumps eased the surges. I recommend riding a snowmobile while in labor---late stages of labor, as it were, in fact.

We reached the truck at 2:55 am. I remember asking Ben to tell me I could "do this." I was certain that labor was really just gearing up and that we had a good three-four hours to go. Not so.

About 3 miles into our ride down to Salt Lake, which is 35 miles from home, the surges began to dissipate and they were replaced by a familiar pressure. Down low. Uh-oh. Any mother knows that pressure, followed by "the urge... to push." While relieved that the surges were over, I knew that pressure meant pushing and that meant baby... soon. I attempted to get my sorrels off. I got the left sorrel off. Only two layers of pants to go if I didn't want to birth my baby into my pants. Gross.

I told Ben. He told the doula. Doula said call the midwife back and report. We did. And he drove fast. fast. Not long after, my water exploded. I was stoked to have felt that---I wanted to feel it with Alasdair, no go. I longed to experience it with Desmond, rewarded! Crazy gush so it was.

Ben was on the phone with the midwife when my water broke. She told him to "put on your hazards and drive like hell." I reached down, expecting to feel a bulge. To feel her head. Nothing, yet.

I scrambled to kick my left leg out of two layers. Success.

"She's coming, babe. I think her head's coming out."

"Do we need to pull over?"

"I don't know."

I felt again. That time I felt Desmond. Her head. Before asking again, Ben pulled off into the Jeremy Ranch exit. Side of the road. Into the dirt.

By the time he put that bad boy Chevy in park, jumped out and reached my door, he saw that Desmond's head was out.

And my door was locked. Whip.
I knew it, and unlocked it just as Ben reached in to deliver our little lady before she hit the floor.

It was 3:24 am. A short 30 minutes after we had reached the truck. An even shorter two hours of true, active labor.

Holy.

Immediately, I got turned around, watching for the umbillical cord, and pulled her to my chest, wrapping her in the two towels. She cried. Ben jumped back in the driver seat and picked up the phone to greet the midwife who'd remained on the phone the whole time.

"I heard her cry. Wonderful. Now hang up, call 911, and I'll see you at the hospital."

We sat in silence for a few seconds.

"Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. Did we really just have our baby? Right here? In the truck?"

Ben called 911. Drove to the gas station. Ambulance arrived, took Desmond and I on the gurny... all was good. All was perfect, actually. So perfect that it only took Ben three baby wipes to clean up the mess in the truck.

Desmond was perfectly healthy. Just a bit cold, which was easily remedied.

7lbs 10oz. 19.5 inches. Bits of dark hair. Lovely almond eyes. Sweet olive skin.
Sleepy, sleepy lady so she is.

We spent a night in the hospital, arriving back home Saturday afternoon.

That is her story. Born in a Chevy 2500 on the side of the highway.

desmond jane mclenna

... her story is coming soon. 'tis a good one, too.

cozy she must be

i think i'm what they call a "42 weeker." or less, with her, i hope.
soon. soOn. very soon. maybe tomorrow to coincide with my date of birth, the 29th. i would love that. 4.29.09. yes. i like.
a few photos:
alasdair + papa playing their 'heE-tars'

alasdair sporting little lady's lovely new hat, made by our good friend jamie.

ben + i enjoyed a lovely, and much needed, date night last friday while rye rye and birdy (sariah + dana) were in town. thank you, sisters. we were able to enjoy TWO AND A HALF hours of sushi dinner. so nice.

an update, of sorts

no lady, yet... and to be honest, I think we're in for another week :)


staying positive.

trying. to. stay. positive.

keep the goodness + baby vibes coming! hope to post photos of our sweet lady soon. soon.
soon enough, it will be.