reminiscent

maybe the hokey pokey is what it's all about.
a thought.

i'll miss boise, a lot. it began to set in this morning while alasdair and i were hanging out. i thought about my mom and how frequently we get together---we see her almost daily. it made me sad to think that the phone--and silly internet things like this--will be our most immediate form of contact, rather than driving ten minutes to see her in person to watch her facial inflections when she sees, touches and holds alasdair. to hear her laugh from the other room. i'll miss my mama, maybe too much.
if that's possible.

i put up another photo of our new home, with snow this time. the job? caretaking for the girl scouts on a 26-acre piece of land in the wasatch, just northeast of park city. snowmobile in. make lots of soup. bust out sewing supplies. read lots of books. write on this here blog thing. swim in the lake just below when it's thawed. enjoy winter sports: snowshoeing, skiing, hiking. enjoy the quiet--what's left of it. watch the boy grow up.

celebratory photos

WE GOT THE JOB. well, ben got the job. we're moving to utah. photos were taken today. celebration time. the photo of the house---that will be home. ahhh.

first time(s)

photos of alasdair's first time sporting some fancy fleece pants, his first trip outside of boise (went to stanley for a couple of nights), first nights in a cabin (thanks to a buddy who offered up a cabin in place of the tent we had stashed in the car) and his first hike near redfish. ah, the firsts. all of which took place a week and a half ago.

long one

day, that is. I love eventful days---
especially because it stops me from counting down the hours until ben's return from 8 days away at work. he gets home on wednesday.
two more nights alone. yessssss. then, hopefully, we'll be heading to Utah. I'm hesitant to write anything about the prospect of moving only because I don't want to build up the hype in the case we're devastatingly deflated.
but when I start to have those thoughts, I combat them with optimism and convince myself that, indeed, the more people I tell--the more likely it is that good vibes will be sent through the universe, and therefore the more likely it is that we will get the job and end up living in Utah's mountainous landscape.
so, the deal: we might move to utah, come next week.
alright, I said it---and that's all I will say.

I started out with: long one.
day. my day was long. well, it passed quickly---
what I suppose I mean is: my day was full of events. a long walk with mama and the boy this morning. coffee and talks with jeri. lunch and talks with hope. meandering around the baby store and others while alasdair checked out the colors and gawked at folks passing by. back to my homestead where I fed the cat, Red--hungry beast--, and picked up some goods. back to me mama's where I fed myself + alasdair + dogs, hung out with the boy outside for a while, put him to sleep, bathed--
and, now, here I sit typing.
when I, too, should be sleeping. because when it comes down to it, this blog business is really a journal.
to think, my personal journal--what would be--exposed to the world.
what in the hell am i thinking?
how odd of me. if not to post all of alasdair's doings and growth and such, then what? I guess later this here 'blog' will be full of photos, mainly.

right now it just feels like my blah thoughts spewed onto the keyboard and somehow filtered onto what is a bright, buzzing screen.
and through to you, whoever might read this.
weird.
ah--the photos:
tis me and my favorite, ben.
and me and my boy, the bull.
good night.

broken

alasdair and I have been meeting with a cranial sacral therapist to help out with his poor latch. at our last meeting I asked about his tense body---the boy shoots his legs straight down and stiffens his entire core when he's nervous, upset ... sometimes I'm not sure why he does it. anyway, it makes for difficult changing sessions, impossible sling carrying and often awkward burping positions.
her response was interesting, and--after considering alasdair's new environment--quite obvious.
to go from a warm, confined space to an open environment is startling, and probably scary.
so, when he wakes up from a nap and appears to have had a nightmare and cries and tenses up, he's probably wondering what the hell is going on---where's my automatic food source? where's the warm fluid? cushy side-rails?
the therapist said he still considers us 'one'---and will continue to think of himself as being a part of one whole until he begins to roll over.
when a child rolls over, and over and over, and suddenly finds himself distanced from his mother, he begins to recognize that they (he and mom) are really two separate parts.
she said they'll often cry when they first begin to roll over and see you far away because they think they're broken.
geeze.
kind of sad.
anyway, I have to remind myself that he's in this new space--and how terrifying it must be sometimes.
I have to remind myself of that because mothering is difficult, and it takes a patient being to raise a child---
a loved, loving child.

I did it

not sure if it's because i'm a mom now--but I did it, I've succumbed to the blog. it's in honor of alasdair, to be sure. so, here's a bit about the little man:
alasdair jonas mclenna, born june 24, 2007 at 4:45 in the a.m.
he enjoyed the womb so much he stayed an extra 15 days, which made for a long wait.
upon arrival he was 7 lbs. 14 oz. and 22 inches long
he is now 12 lbs. 9 oz. and growing steadily at almost 7 weeks.
he likes bumpy evening and early morning walks, the music of will oldham & bill callahan, plenty of milk and nestling, and his papa's soothing smile.
we've not yet discovered anything that he simply cannot stand.
after all, he's a baby---and he finds bliss in the exploration of the size, shape and composure of anything, and everything.

that's him on the right there---
warming up after his first bath at a week old.
water child.